Love Paradox

I've spent the last year studying love. For the first time in a lot of years, maybe ever, in the container of it with a teacher mirroring back my new awareness which is resulting in a voracious appetite for more learning, and better/bigger understanding.

The more I learn, the more I discover beautiful paradoxes, and the more I realize I've never experienced real love.

Many of us spend years nurturing a fear of "losing ourselves" in love. If you believe in the love Osho and others describe, it isn't possible to lose yourself in love, losing yourself means it isn't love.

Many of us succumb to lifetimes of conditioning, traditional and/or non-traditional paradigms, controlling partners and find ourselves in relationships that lose their sexual polarity, the dynamic spark that attracted us in the first place.

And now more than ever before we aren't communicating with each other. Maybe it's because some of us don't want to, but the will is deeper - we don't know how.

I'm learning that real love is freedom. The moment you feel not free to be your true, authentic self, it is not love. And, the paradox is that when you can be this free, love is possible, absolute.

I'm learning that the more intentional we are about what we desire in intimate partnership, friendships, and even family relations, the more possible the exact outcome.

I'm learning that knowing and embracing my femininity and all that this means, and wanting a masculine partner, creates an expectation for roles, behavior, understanding - expansion that is currently blowing my mind with possibilities, and also seems out of reach in today's collective landscape.

I've never let "out of reach" discourage me.

I'm currently living in Deida's ideals, and taming Osho's radical notions dancing in my heart.

Feeling so much more spirit than human, content with meditation rather than outside stimulus that takes me farther away from myself. I want this freedom in real love, in every relationship in the human days I have left - I want this for for everyone.

Let us make every effort to drop our ego and truly connect. Let us have a real desire for understanding each other. Let us embrace the polarity that makes us sexually excited, and never lose sight of its purpose. Let us find ourselves in love that feels like freedom to be all that we are without any fear or conditions. And let us know ourselves to wholeness first, so that with that holiness we can really love ourselves and others fully.