The Big Pause: Spirituality

Photo Credit: @zinastar on Instagram

I was born into this life with faith.

It sounds silly to say this because we all are, but many people especially today do not consider themselves faith-based, religious or even spiritual, so I want to be clear here; I have always believed in something bigger than me and this life.

I feel it regularly, and have since I was a child. This faith was actually passed down to me in the womb, from a long line of ancestors who have prayed and devoted their lives in many beautiful ways.

In the early years it felt like Source, or pure Spirit, guiding me. I know now it was my angels. When I was married to a Marine and living in the deep South I felt a closeness to God and worshipped in beautiful churches in North Carolina with other God-fearing people. And over the years I have sought out this feeling, relationship and intimate connecting all over the globe and in various faiths and sacred places. . Somewhere along the way I fell in love with devotion - of all kinds.

“I am in love with every church, and mosque, and temple, and any kind of shrine because I know it is there, that people say the different names, of the One God.” – Hafez

I fell in-love with the poetry of prayer, and the storytelling that still lives on. I fell in love with the symbolism of every holy relic. I fell in love with Bhakti, with singing mantra. I fell in love with the sight of bows in unison in a mosque, and melodic Hebrew coming from sacred places near my Paris apartment. I fell in love with each decorated spout at Tirta Empul and their meanings (and Agama Tirtha in general), the Canang Sari offerings on the street and the smell of devotion in the Bali air. I fell in love with my very first Pejati, and every temple prayer the Balinese healer said on my behalf. I fell in love with the idea that there is a Qibla and what it feels like to join this sacred place at the exact right moment and connect with millions. I fell in love with golden Buddhas and the life of monks; with the smell of copal and palo santo. I fell in love with Melukats and Mikvehs, with Chinese fortune sticks and string-tied Thai bracelets. I fell in love with sitting with shaman, and singing to Pachamama; to calling in the Elements and beating on a drum. I fell in love with the tears I cry every time I enter a holy place, no matter if it’s in Heraklion, Venice or Ayutthaya - every chapel, church, cathedral, temple, mosque…I fell in love with every single Wat, and the pile of shoes at the entrance of each. I fell in love with the call to prayer in the Akko air, floating in the window with the early morning sunshine. I fell in love with lighting candles every week in a church in Paris, and hearing the Lord’s Prayer repeated in French at Sacre Coeur. I fell in love with Hannukah candles lighting the cobble streets of Jerusalem, and with the long line of pilgrims at the entrance of The Western Wall. I fell in love with every story about Mary Magdalene and Rose of Sharon anointing oils…and the list goes on and on, my love affair is never-ending.

I will never forget watching the Jewish girls praying at Rachel’s Tomb in Jerusalem; their bodies moving to the rhythm of their holy language with bows and turns and steps, completely consumed with devotion. As A. Helwa says in her book Secrets of Divine Love when she was captivated by a woman praying in Turkey; “the woman became the prayer,” this is what I have fallen in love with.

I have fallen in love with devotion.

During a recent spontaneous trip to Copenhagen to practice with my beloved Bhakti teacher Rusty Wells, I cried when he said: “make your life a prayer” during the practice, because I hope that I am.

It is this love affair with devotion that is carrying me right now, and on all days. I’m not going to say that I don’t have fear around dying, but my fear isn’t about uncertainty for what happens when you leave this life, because I’m certain that the place we go to after is one of absolute bliss and complete Spirit essence. As Rusty says, you are “breathed back into the heart of God.” This faith has saved me on many sad days, and it is because of this faith that I am feeling great peace during this Big Pause.

On May 14th I will turn 49, and I will be weeks into observing Ramadan for the first time in my life. I am feeling called to deepen into my devotion, and I will walk this path beside my dear sister Aisha Bubshait who is Muslim and so beautifully devoted to her faith. When I asked her about spiritual fasting recently she shared with me that Ramadan is starting on April 24th. I knew instantly in my heart that it was a month I wanted to gift to myself so I asked her to teach me. “A Walk in Holiness” is what she has created to share this intimate and authentic experience with me; a precious offering led by the intention of love and shared devotion. I cried when she shared this with me; together we will call in other sisters who feel called to connect in faith and deepen into devotion for one month of Ramadan together.

This isn’t about believing in one faith or another, this is about the devotion you have within you, it’s about a deep calling you have to connect to something bigger. It’s about coming together in devotion and seeing how we are similar; and celebrating that every life can be a prayer.

This is about love and I hope you will join us. .