The Big Pause: Fear

Photo Credit: Luke Renoe

Fear was one of the of the very first collective emotions felt by many.

Fear of the virus and anyone who has it, fear of getting sick, fear of dying, fear of losing jobs, fear of not enough to eat, not enough toilet paper…not enough…fill in the blank. Fear of a collapsing economy, fear of loss of routine, fear of personal losses…and the list goes on and on. It was really hard to be an inhabitant on this planet during the first few weeks of the pandemic and not feel the collective fears rising - and it is still possible to feel this energy pulsating, because it is.

These fears are real.

I maintained a personal, internal peace during this first phase. My personal losses have not been significant, and my daily life hasn’t changed much - except for the frequency of my service which has been turned up greatly in the last few months. I’m very fortunate.

The fear I feel now is different.

I feel the fear of civil unrest brewing under the surface which we will likely see in the coming days as people grow less and less tolerant of the circumstances. I feel the fear of the mentally ill who are unstable and beginning to act out, and the desperate who will do anything. I feel the fear and intense anger I see on faces during videos I watch on social media of people who cannot live another day of “isolation.” I feel the fear of humans who are not willing to sacrifice for anyone. I feel the fear of the radicals, the intolerant, the people who seem to have forgotten that we share common space, a common planet. I feel the fear for the planet because so many people contribute to Her destruction and pollution without any concern or care for their actions.

And the truth of the matter is, so many of these situations are happening every day in the world, not just on a pandemic day.

One of the scariest days of my life was teaching high school many years ago, and hearing one of my students talking nonchalantly about using another student as a human shield if we had a school shooting. I will never forget how physically ill I felt in that moment that there could be such a lack of compassion and humanity and absolute disregard for another person’s life.

The pandemic is showing us with a crystal clear mirror where all of our blind spots are. It is bringing out the very best in people, which is what I have decided to focus on, and it is also showing us the very worst.

My heart is literally hurting this week based on the deep lack of concern some humans have for anyone or anything but themselves. I feel the fears deeply.

This pain is palpable, this pain is all of ours…