The Big Pause: The Masculine Shift

Photo Credit: Stephanie Rose Freeman

I cried yesterday as I looked into the faces of the women with whom I’ve been raising my inner King with the last seven weeks. I was so moved by each one of them, by all of us, by our commitment to this deep work, by what I know this work will mean in the world - I cried and I cried and I cried.

My aloneness has been delicious for so many years; I just learned in my Gene Keys reading that I have the key of “Solitude” and my path has been intentionally and innately one of getting lighter and of solo adventures. This came as a welcome breath of affirmation after so many years of being a “social butterfly,” and feeling the last decade this deep quiet that has been a pace and vibration I love.

In this release I felt a familiar longing, one I feel mostly when my heart is full, when I feel proud or when I want to celebrate my work in the world or an accomplishment - it is a place which requires me to be enough.

Being enough means holding my own form in the chaos, and a million other things.

The shift began for me over a year ago when I carefully lifted my head and peeked around from a new place of “wholeness” which I had been cultivating for six years. In a serendipitous (as they always are) “match” I fell for charming karma that was meant to be my newest teacher on this path.

The teachings were swift, triggering, deeply painful and came with incredible clarity and body wisdom in the end which I could not ignore. I was left with the usual broken heart pieces that I began to put together again - the (long) life of a puzzle solving Fool.

The message to “honor my inner King” came straight from the heavens in Jerusalem on Christmas Eve last year as I was visiting The Western Wall. It was a week of holiness that I will never forget, and this message sent me straight inside of myself to the place where I sat for many days until I found him.

The first time I cried with this group of women was when I introduced him to the group about a month ago, we all did our introductions that day and it was a beautiful reflection of the global masculine represented in women from all ages and from all over the world.

It turns out the axiom is true, our internal landscape mimics an uncanny representation of what each of us has called in, continues to manifest in surrounding energy, and struggles with to this day - not a single one of us is immune to this principle.

As I’m eating, sleeping and breathing this current work of moving towards an inner sacred union, exalting my King, I cannot help but notice all of the masculine energy around me; every bit of it.

There is a great shift happening and I trust it isn’t just happening in my world.

The collective energy in our space yesterday was an energy of softening, an energy of wanting to be held and supported, one of celebrated chaos; and all of the divinely feminine magic that being in this state affords us when we feel held to do so - we all have a deep, deep craving to be here. The pillars of perfect balance in our group are the epitome of grace under pressure, they flow in the river bed; holding themselves firmly and with beautiful knowing.

The shift is about transparency, about coming clean with old narrative no longer serving us. It is about forgiveness, we’ve done the best that we could with heart-felt intentions. It’s about understanding that there is pain, wounding, trauma and suffering on both sides. It is about wrapping our arms around this part of ourselves that once felt like a tyrant, a critic, unsafe, a weary warrior, an abusive father, a bully, untrustworthy…(and the list goes on), and considering that this part can be integrated with a new story that feels like healthy harmony instead of an internal battle.

This shift is radical. None of us are the same women we were on March 1st.

In addition to the timeliness of my own journey, the pandemic has given me the perfect backdrop to further discover this shift in the collective. And to have a new appreciation from my own masculine perspective of any masculine energy outside of me; this has been one of my favorite new gifts in my life!

We cannot expect to be held any differently than we hold ourselves. We cannot expect to be loved fully until we love ourselves (all parts) fully. One of my biggest dreams in this lifetime is to love in a container that allows the exploration of this profound love; a true sacred union. I know now, more than ever, that until I create this sacred union within I may continue to miss the mark in a mortal experience.

We are softening. We are asking for forgiveness and giving it too. We are exalting, honoring, acknowledging, appreciating, devoting to…all that is masculine right now. We crave a healthy balance, an opportunity to co-create…to be held so that we can be in our fullest feminine expression.

Many of us know that it begins with the King inside of us, and so we are bravely doing this work…every bit of it with our whole hearts. We are King makers, Kinging ourselves for now.