Ten Lessons in 2020: Fear is Real

Photo: moon_patrol

“It’s just a speed bump…”

The day that I uttered these words was the day that my life changed forever.

Before this day I had been known to say, in my work with women and as a guiding principle and mantra in my life, that fear is not real.

The fear in my sister’s voice this day was palpable, it consumed me in an instant in a way that other fear had never been able to penetrate. And this sudden possession scared me, it scared me because I knew it wasn’t mine ultimately but that it would effect me greatly and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My sister was diagnosed with cancer in August of 2016, and she joined the stars on the same month this year, just three days before her daughter turned four.

I watched her journey with fear intimately, devoted to her in my “too much” kind of way - vicarious trauma entered my field and so did so many deeply painful, and powerful teachings. Just before we lost her a second sister was diagnosed with the same cancer, and my own breast health was in question.

Our lives are carefully woven together pieces, nothing out of order or by coincidence.

I have learned that fear is healthy, it protects us and helps to bring the warrior in us online - especially intuitive and instinctual for women if we are listening carefully. This year I learned to listen to my fear and act in ways to protect myself so that I could easy navigate any negative feelings that might arise from this protective emotion. It was this sense of fear that helped me feel the situation in Paris weeks before it was grave. It was this sense that helped me prepare myself days before our first confinement, and ultimately one of the root causes for the peace I felt when the news hit because I acted on it.

I’ve been witnessing the teacher of fear this year; no one is immune.

This teacher has the keen ability to illuminate a few things, namely the actions taken once the fear hits. Sometimes the fear takes over and all rational thought and integrity is lost. Sometimes fear is the devo maheshwara, or “speed bump,” that tips us off to make a change or have more awareness; moving us in a healthier direction. Sometimes the fear isn’t even real. I’m reminded of one of my very favorite exercises that Tim Ferriss taught me, it’s called “Fear Setting.”

This year I invited Fear to tea, I’ve done this before but this year we sat across from each other on many days. I acknowledged Fear, I thanked Fear, I asked Fear to step aside on some days…I loved Fear and dissolved some of the negative thoughts about it with my heart.

I saw fear in others and sent them compassion, from a deep, deep well that I have been filling for years.

At the end of the day, I ask myself if my actions are because of a fear. If the answer is yes I check in with myself to make sure the action is in integrity with who I am and how I want to live this life.

“Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.” - Emma Donoghue

My sisters taught me this this year…

Thank you 2020.