Devo Maheshwara + Courage From Liz

Photo: @martinatrepczyk

“What kind of music would you like?” he asked in his French accent.

Just moments before, I flipped open to page 157 and the serendipitous words were still in my mind; “When you enter into the great Self, All prayers go on inside you spontaneously, Without ceasing…”

“Something Zen,” I said…and without hesitation the music began to play.

I laid there, feeling seven, with my throat chakra stone in one pocket and my tiny Durga in another; the rosary from around my neck now in my hands and my japa practice on auto pilot - as if.

It wasn’t enough.

I could feel my practices slip away, as they often do in times of fear. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and asked him not to give me the play-by-play, that I didn’t feel brave enough for it.

“You are brave,” he said…and with that I slipped inside myself.

I could feel each needle gently pierce my skin and probe, once inside I felt them searching and then gathering before being pulled out again.

For months I have been disarmouring, shedding years and years of heavy protection soldered in place to perfection. More vulnerable than ever before I laid there bearing my throat in a symbolic way as he collected the proof he needed.

I wandered back to the morning practice I was guiding just an hour before, I tried to visualize the healing white light inspired by Rusty’s words in Sunday’s practice. Between my eyebrows…traveling to my throat…and even this was diluted with the sensations my physical body was enduring.

As the fourth needle went in I felt Liz enter the room, and her courage washed over me from head to toes; it was a warm, loving light, a certain feeling of powerful energy and I welcomed every bit of it as the tears started to stream out…and they never stopped.

A release I’ve needed for years.

She stayed with me until the last needle was finished and then I felt her slip away just as suddenly as she appeared. I tried to gather myself enough to leave without having to answer too many questions and then I cried and cried and cried all the way home.

It was a quiet stream of uncontrollable tears that continued all week off and on until today, on her birthday…they are coming in big waves, like medicine.

I’m bowing deeply to you Devo Maheshwara, and taking a vow to stay the course with The Untold Story and all of the truth that wants to come out; feeling grateful for the benign results and gently stepping into the pride that my dear sister Erica pointed out…

I am walking with angels.

Happy Birthday, Liz. I love you.