Before reading this chapter, meditate on your sexual desire and what awareness you have about it. Are you open with this desire? Do you feel shy or restricted in your sexual desire in any way? Is there trauma or healing here? Explore your truth before diving into this chapter.

“Healthy sex lives are too important to a vital union to depend upon sexual desire.” (p. 187) How does this land with you? Ponder this statement and how it may or may not apply to you and your lived experience.

“When you have sex based on what it will provide for your partner, your attention is now on the benefit to your partner and your union instead of on something as unreliable as physical impulse.” (p. 187) A big statement to ponder; how does this land with you?

“…you can consciously cause wanting to spice up a particular sexual encounter…” (p. 188) Are you in your feminine or omega “BEING” with sexual desire? Or is it more of a conscious wanting and more “DOING?”

It is critical to know what sex provides for your partner. This is the first item of information that every couple must share with each other if they are going to have a delicious sexual partnership. (p. 189) Do you know what sex provides for you? For your current partner? Do you explore this topic with partners? How does knowing this change sex, intimacy, union, partnership…for you?

For men, potentially, “the physical act of sex fills a need, a hunger, a distracting ache that grows unbearable over time…” (p. 190) What physical (nervous system) response do you feel reading/knowing this about men? How does it change things for you, if it does? Reflect on your partner/partners, does anything come up for you?

Sex gives a man fuel to be a man, to be protective and to be a better provider…without it men are emasculated. (p. 190) How does this land with you?

“When she surrenders to me and lets me give her pleasure, my entire spirit is altered. I’m lifted to another dimension. The boundaries blur. I flow into her and sometimes I feel her flowing into me. Afterwards, the connection I feel to her nurtures me for days.” (p. 192) How does it feel to hear a man’s perspective in this chapter, specifically about desire and the physical act of sex and what it provides?

For Karen, sex provides an opportunity to be in her body: “when you touch me for an extended length of time, I get in my body. I inhabit it in a way that I don’t usually. I am embodied…” (p. 196) Can you relate to Karen’s statement here? Are there any other ways you can feel this exact type of embodiment? What else does sex provide for you, make your sacred list (and share it with your partner if you feel inspired).

What is the impact of sex on your union?

“You are providing by merely existing…” (p. 205) How does this statement from Karen’s husband land with you; does it stir up anything for you?

“Sex is the physical representation of the spiritual bond that can grow between two people. And not only a representation — the actual expression.” (p. 198)

“The physical union can reestablish the spiritual connection. It can heal it.” (p. 198)

Explore any trauma that may interfere with your expression or experience of sex/sexual desire/union/connection.

“As near as I can tell, the process of child molestation is one of the cruelest results of human instinct and human need colliding.” (p. 200)

Saying no… Contemplate your “no” with sex; is there anything sticky here? (For reference: p. 200)

“A man’s need for sex is more intense than most women can imagine. Unhealthy men do not stop to examine the appropriateness of meeting their needs with a child. This makes them dangerous people. It is never appropriate with a child. These people usually may not mean harm but they cause it nevertheless.” (p. 201) Meditate on this if you can. If this has resonance with you where are you with healing this trauma? If this is something you haven’t experienced, perhaps you may be inspired to do a Metta Practice today offering loving kindness into this community or to someone you know.

“Shame leads to despair. Despair locks up love and passion tight inside the chest. They are imprisoned, cutting off their experience and expression. And weakening a person’s will. Hope is the hero. It bursts open the prison, freeing love and passion; returning a person to the power of their will.” (p. 207) Examine if there is ANY shame in your sexual experience, history, desire, etc. How can this shame be healed?

“Some people are getting too great a psychological benefit from their wounds to will themselves to be healed. They have incorporated the injury into their identity and do not know who they are without it. You can hear this when a person says, ‘my cancer’ or ‘my rape’ or ‘I am an incest survivor.” (p. 208) Meditate on this; we are WHOLE, HEALED and HOLY. Is there any holding on in your healing journey which gives you comfort in identity but makes it harder to heal?