Reflect on the Hero Language words: Provide, Need, Help, Save and Hero. “Problem” is possibly the sixth word. “The words that mean the most to men seem to be the most difficult for women to say.” (p.344) How do you feel about this list of words? Do you have a hard time saying these words to men? Have you practiced and what has been the outcome?

“If you say ‘I have a problem’ to a man, he perks up. By definition, problems have solutions. They are finite. If you say, ‘I have an issue,’ you will see his shoulders fall and the energy drain out of him. ‘Issues’ seem interminable to them.” (p. 345)

When a man cannot win by providing a solution to your ‘problem,’ he feels defeated. How do you feel about the distinction between expressing a “problem,” and having an “issue?”

“The Language of Heroes speaks to the heart, soul and spirit of a man. That is why it is effective. It calls to him, rouses him, honors him. This is not a learned behavior. The language is there at birth. A boy who has never heard this last word before will still respond to it.” (p. 346)

“You cannot separate Hero and Man, they are one and the same. The soul of a man is a hero.” (p. 346) How does this land with you? Where do you place the non-hero men in your life?

What is your definition of a “hero?” What qualifies as a “hero” for you with men? (Keeping in mind that this is a very unique definition for you.)

“A man only has to be a hero for one person to affect his life.” (p. 347) Do you have or have you ever had a hero of a man in your life? Reflect and share this experience as you acknowledge the heroes in your life.

I invite you to take the same homework from this chapter that Kimberlee and Karen are doing in the book. To acknowledge the heroes in your life. And, if this hero is still your hero and in your life, I invite you to tell them. Witness their response if this is the first time you are sharing this with them, how do they receive this acknowledgement?

“Men have a hard time receiving.” (Do the men in your life have a hard time receiving?) Claudia shares that when we acknowledge a hero they may have a hard time receiving, she offers an invitation to say, “I need you to receive this. What you did was heroic to me.” (p. 348)

Claudia teaches us a valuable lesson in protecting our Yin in this chapter, of how important it is to soften and recognize when we are in our masculine and what overall effect this has on us. She releases herself of the accountability she feels and invites the women to take the wisdom and make it theirs. Reflect on the ways you extract your Yin in your life, check in with your softening, which energy do you lead with? Are there places in your life where you can let go, soften more, protect your Yin?

What do you think about the idea of men “saving our lives everyday” as Karen says? If this resonates with you, how do men “save your life everyday?” (p. 352)

Can you see the hero in every man? Why or why not? What needs to happen for you to accept this homework or invitation?

Is it true that as we’ve been learning more about men, we’ve actually learned more about women? What have you learned about yourself or other women while reading this book and absorbing this wisdom?

“You know what that is? That space is what we feel when we’re being feminine. I call it an ‘unoccupied space’ and it’s the source of women’s magic.” (p. 354) How do you feel about this? Do you know this feeling? How do you describe it?

“Strong woman, voluntarily vulnerable.” (p. 355) How does this feel as a possible new mantra for you? Or do these words resonate well with you and how you are?

What is the “warrior code of honoring privacy” that Kimberlee is referring to on page 357, and is this type of code important to you? Why or why not? Contemplate for one moment your own personal codes of privacy within (all) relationships and partnership.

“Knowing what you need and being direct about it could be kindness…” (p. 358) Is it easy for you to know what you need? And express it? Why or why not?